Disappointed

with myself. April is officially declared a no-exercise month- managed to do only 11 days so far = 38miles. So sad.
And I am not doing the half-M this weekend. How can I? barely ran this whole month and still, when do any kind of exertion , end up panting and choking.
So not feeling good about the whole scenario. Hopefully May will be better in terms of exercise and diet.
No weight loss either, was hoping to lose the one pound per month I have been.

May 2009:
Start again. R/W 2-3 miles/3 days a week, Elliptical 45min/2 days a week, free weights 2 days a week, stretch every morning 10 min atleast. Move more during the day. Just cannot let all the gains I made over the last yeaar so easily, even if they were miniscule.

This is just a phase, it will pass on.

Bad day, LSD

Today was LSD 11 miles. ENded up doing only 9.2 miles in 2h40min!! Worst time in the whole 2 years.
TEmps today were stated to be in the 90's, but at morning 8 when I started it was 69degrees and the sun was shining so bright as if reflected from aluminium foil onto me. At first I thought of postponing this LSD to the coming weekend when forecast is for clouds and cool weather. But I have not done much this month and I wanted to see if I could even run a bit after a 2 week period of no running.

And what a difference. Started at 8:06AM, 69 degrees and bright. I just couldnt run even after the warmup of 5 min. Just could not breathe. This carried on for atleast 2 miles where I felt I was being suffocated in the heat. Adding insult to my sorry condition was all those slim trim moms I see around my dtrs school pass me running at a good clip with not a drop of sweat in sight. I saw so many women at this time of the day and now I know the reason for those well maintained young bodies.

By this time I was thinking of seriously giving up on the half-marathon in MAy. I am not bound to do it, it was just something to keep me up to par with my workouts, which I have more or less except for this month. On the other hand, I enjoyed the experience last year and doing one event like this is sort of like a prize to all the hard work!! I have done so far. I dont anticipate any improvement in my time from last year but thats OK.

I dont know why they have to start at 8 AM when it is so sunny and honestly its uncomfortable to be running or even moving fast at that time. I had thought of e-mailing the race director last year about changing the start time . I think I will do that now because I would like to be part of this race every year since its so close to home.

Thankfully reached the downhill, which people were running up, which I went down slowly and that was the only part of the whole distance that I enjoyed. Took a break at one of the stores on the way, walked more than ran the entire distance. Plan was to come home and then run 1.2milesto GB's house, and come back walking from there to complete 11.8 miles.But ofcourse that wouldnt happen, came home , took a bath and that was it.

Very tired later on and disappointed at the slow times, but you know what, its OK. Maybe I will put in my name in the walker section since I do walk faster than run. BUt running breaks the tedium of walking fast and I dont want any other participant to give me dirty looks because I ran for a minute.

Ate lot later on- burnt 720 calories, took in 3 slices of pizza, multiples of chocolate, rice , lentils, you name it, I ate it.

No control

So the days I dont exercise or blog seem like 'eat what u want' days. Yesterday and today I didnt start the blog post in the morning as I normally do and just went on a feeding rampage.

Bkfst: one scrambled egg + slice of wheat bread

After 2 mile run snack: cereal + cup of milk

Lunch: Felt so cold after the run that ate indiscriminately to feel warmer-
3 sweets + 6 crackers + atleast 3 pancakes- kids woke up late so this was their breakfast.

Snack: went to GB's house which is a hub for food , all sorts of snacks with numerous cups of tea- mainly cookies.

Dinner: will be a slice of bread and garbanzo beans- I want something salty after all that sugar. Hope can leave it at that and not go overboard.

Disclaimer: the comment at the last post is by someone pushing pills and powders to lose weight. I absolutly do not endorse such products and believe that eating right and exercise is the way to lose and keep off the weight. I will try and get that post removed if possible.

Bkfst: one cup oatmeal + milk + half banana + 3 cookies

Mid-morning: one tootsie roll lollipop , feeling so faint.

Lunch: one slice bread + one scrambled egg+ one half bagel + 3 tbsps hummus eaten while the egg was cooking + one cup tea.
No wonder I am feeling lethargic and somnolent now.

Guess what? I weighed myself on the office digital weighing machine and seem to have lost a pound- Ok, 0.8 pound. So I was pretty excited for 2 min. Any other intelligent person would have held back on the calories after that, but what did I do? I came home and ate a whole bagel with hummus, as if I had been starving for days! Anyway I am stuffed now.

No exercise today, have to drive one hour away to a soccer game, I really think these guys play less and travel more for their games, so 3 of my dys precious hours are gone.

Dinner: will be a cup or two of rice and some lentils and mixed veggies. If I can control my calorie intake!

Bkfst: one cup oatmeal with milk + half banana

At this time knew there was going to be a party at work, I was providing the cake and I bought it- creamy, decadent, chocolate! And I imagined the cake being cut and me shaking my head, refusing a piece because I had had so much sugar in the last few days.

In actuality, or lets say in my very own reality show,this is what happened: I was at the table before everyone else, I ate my rice and bean burrito fast and then kept looking at the cake till the birthday girl took pity on me and cut it and gave me a slice, which I ate without remorse. So...
Lunch: half burrito + one piece of chocolate cake

Came home and decided to get on the elliptical for an hour- managed atleast 50 min before the family called and now am thinking light for dinner- maybe half a cup of cereal or something. Cant breathe because am so stuffed.

Actually cant breathe because of the allergies. Saw the doctor yeaterday who prescribed some nasal drops and eye drops and advised me to start taking the meds 15 days before the season. Story repeated. The doctor last year had said the same and me like every second person had ignored her advice.

And TSH is high, which means I have hypothyroidism, which means I have to be on thyroid medication, chronically, which I dont like, but I will follow the doctors orders this time- I really want to feel better.

I am better...

..., much better , thankyou.
And how do I know? I got my appetite back!! The way I ate today would put a wrestler to shame, as I am actually TRYING to pack on the pounds!

Bkfst: one cup oatmeal with milk + half banana
Snack: 4 hershey kisses swiped from the secretary's desk
Lunch: one cup rice + one cup tofy mushroom curry + one cup tea + two cream puffs
Dinner: one cup rice + lentils + cauliflower curry + my downfall in the form of lots of sweets of various kinds.

See, nothing healthy, portion sizes are OK too, its the uncontrolled binging on the sweet stuff.
No, I havent learnt self-control at all, get a box of chocolates or any other sweet sugary syrupy thing in front of me and its gone in a blink of an eye.

Am planning to do atleast an hour on the elliptical to make up for today.
There has to be a way to rein my appetite, to have more self-control. There is a website where if one doesnt make goal, some amount goes to a company you hate- sort of like negative reinforcement. For eg. if you want to stop smoking and are unable to quit, a dollar amt set by you goes into some cigarette company. I will have to find that website and see what they have for people who want to lose weight.

Because honestly, if you told me that for every pound I lost, so much money would go to a charity of my choice, thats not enough incentive any more- I would just give you the money upfront. I have tried that before- lose weight and go for vacation or buy a new wardrobe or lose so many pounds before a family reunion- not worked for me. Now I need a kick in my rear to take control.

Which I will from tomorrow- no more sweet stuff and get on the elliptical again.

Overeating

Today had to drive to SF airport to pick up parents. So finished the elliptical in the AM. Such a nice feeling, to be done with something I NEED to do right in the AM. Wish I could say the same about my piano practice, journal reading, grocery shopping, laundry folding and keeping away too.

Bkfst: one bread slice and scrambled egg

Snack: two cups of tea and cookies.
Banana, one 220 cal chocolate bar, half a bag of chips-approx 300cal, all eaten on the way to sanfran

Dinner: one and half cup rice + one cup lentils + one cup mushroom pea curry

After-dinner snack: Lots and lots of the gourmet sweets my mom got for me. 100s and thousands of calories gone in the time it took me to clean up the kitchen and make a cup of tea.

My mother's first reaction on seeing me after 6 months was'oh, you are looking slim!' which made me happy. But by the end of the evenig it was clear to her and me that in those 6 months I havent learnt to control my eating- one sight of chocolate or pastry and I am reduced to a pig.

Off today

4miles R/W with DH. In the 2 weeks off from running have lost all the gains I made in these last few months. I was running 80% of this route and ran up the 3-5% incline hill a month ago.
Today I ran maybe 30% of the time, the last mile was all walking, walked slowly up the hill, had to resort to run 100 steps/walk 200 steps, all simply due to difficulty taking in a complete breath and no eaxercise to speak of in the last 2 weeks.
Why do I insist on blogging the whole scenario? because I want to emphasise to myself that I am not having a good time because of these allergies, and that might make me take care of myself. Otherwise, as soon as I start feeling better, I will forget about this episode and then it will repeat itself next year.
No blogging about food intake today- hey, its sunday, gimme a break!!

Bkfst: pancake made with whole wheat and enriched flour, eggs, milk, + maple syrup

Snack: 2 cups tea + 4 cookies

Lunch: leftover pancake + one slice of bread + leftover blackbeans. Cook one day, eat the same over a week!

Snack: 2 cups of tea, 3 cookies, handful peanuts

Dinner: 2 slices of pizza, 3 crusts, 3 sips of sunkist, 4 nachos.

Oh, where are the veggies and the fruits??? Nowhere to be found, as if I have banned them from this household.

snack: one tiny tangelo to make up for the loss above.

Walked 3.5miles, in 60 min today. The effort was there even tho the pace came out to be so slow. Went over my log, apr 2008 had the same problem and had completed barely 48 miles due to not feeling well. This time again, havent done any LSD, so it will show up on the half-m day. Hope its not too warm this time.

Why am I so fat?

I dont eat anything!!Look!

Bkfst: One cup cereal, milk and half banana

Lunch: one and half cup rice with black beans

Snack: tea with biscuits 4 as per me, 8 according to my DH who watches me like a hawk

Dinner: cup of milk

Multiple cups of warm water with honey and cough drops. I am sure I missed a lot which is the reason for me not losing any lard.

2 miles of slow walking- yay!! I finally got out of the house. So slow that no shortness of breath or anything. Talked to a friend the whole way. Maybe will run tomorrow.

Man proposes,

and God disposes.

Had thought I would do elliptical today and start running tomorrow. But no time today for the elliptical, and still having the dry cough. And tomorrow, the landscaper is coming at 7AM with samples of some lawn grass. So no movement for the last 2 weeks!

Bkfst: one cup cereal + one cup milk + half banana
Lunch: 2 slices bread + one scrambled egg
Snacks: Tea + 2 packages of the nutterbutter peanut cookies
Dinner: 2 cups rice + 2 cups black beans, maybe more because did 'help'7yo finish her dinner too- all that helping others out is showing up on my belly

The above is accurate, so lets see how we can do a meal makeover.

5 servings of veggies and fruits: NO,not enough, unless you take the black beans as legumes which gets them some veggie points.
Dairy: Some milk in the tea, and one cup on the cereal
3 cups should be daily total
Whole grains: the bread covers that- its whole wheat. But should be changing the white rice to brown
Protein: I think the egg and black beans and milk covers that
Carbs: too many with the rice- cut down to one cup, cut down the bread to one slice, but then I am so 'hungary'!!
Fat; everything is made in olive oil
Processed foods: oh those packs of nutterbutter cookies, isnt one sufficient?

So that shows my pathetic knowlege of food and nutrition, the reason why I am not losing weight, and how much improvement I need to make.

Same as usual

Bkfst: one cheese string, was in a rush,
so followed it by 3-6 hershey kisses

Lunch: 2 slices bread with eggplant curry

snack: cup of tea, 10 crackers with hummus- I never learn my lesson, just hog without thinking
+ 2 bites of a snickers bar I had at GB's house + i am sure there is more and I cannot remember it now

Dinner: onetortilla + mixed veggies one cup followed by a slice of bread with another cup of the veggies. Who asked me to have this second meal?

GB visited a cousin of ours who has lost alot of weight and was telling me how little this lady ate on a regular day- no bkfst or lunch and then a slice of pizza for dinner. I dont think I would be able to do that.
On the other hand, my sister-in-law is thin too, but she eats all day long- her portion sizes are tiny tho and she never takes more than a bite of a dessert. Then she will say loud and clear- OMG!! so many calories, this is going straight to my hips/thighs/belly!! and then she stops eating. That is what i want to be able to do, eat everything but small portions and know when to stop.

No exercise, still having problems taking in a full breath. Doctors appt was s'posed to be today but postponed to tuesday due to insurance problems, I dont know how I will last till then, this dry cough has not let me sleep in the last 2 weeks and it feels as I will choke and die!

Oh, well, enuf of the melodrama, tomorrow is a new day, stronger resolve to finally learn how to eat and lose this weight.

Might have...

...lost a pound, official weigh in day is still away, but stepped on the scale this AM, and the needle wanted to move to left for once. Who Knows?

Bkfst: one scrambled egg + one piece bread

Lunch: 2 slices bread + mixed veggies one cup

Snack: Tea + cookies- too many to count

Dinner: one tortilla with eggplant curry and a slice of bread.

Tried to do the elliptical, had to give up after 5 min due to bad coughing spasm, could barely breathe. Have a doctor's appt tomorrow, lets see what she says.

Oprah was good today- blue zones around the world , where people live long and healthy lives due to their diet and lifestyle choices. Main points:

Eat a plant based diet.

Drink 1-2 glasses of wine everyday.

Exercise, Walk, Run, MOVE

Laugh with your friends and family

Have a purpose for your life- which to me is the most important, I mean whats the use of living all those years if you dont have something to do?

Pray, have faith and be grateful and thankful for your life

Those are only some of the points, but they all make sense. Lets see how many we can incorporate into our daily lives. One of the better Oprah programs.

more of the same

The morning run did not happen. Spent the whole last night sitting upright, hunched over a couple of pillows because any time I sat back, it would trigger off a coughing spasm. This Am left with a dull headache from lack of sleep and the coughing fits.

Trying to eat less so as not to feel uncomfortable. Yest log looked so good, was telling GB about it and then remembered the fries I swiped from my 7yo's burger meal. I am sure there must be other stuff I 'forgot' about too.

Bkfst : 1/2 cup papaya + one slice bread + one scrambled egg + 1 cup tea + one cookie

Lunch : one cup rice + one cup yellow Lentils, hot and yummy.

Snack: 2 packs of the ritz bits eaten while thinking about my bad health

Dinner: one cup rice + lentils

Allergies

just so that I remember for all the years to follow, I get bad allergies starting mid-march and carrying into April. So next year have to start with the anti-allergic med in FEb itself.

No cardio today, just 10-15 min of free weights, cant even do the ab-work because so short of breath. Tomorrow will try and go out, take a cetrizine and run out in the mrning. I mean I cant spend the month inside, can I?

Bkfst: one bread slice + one egg scrambled + tea

Lunch: 2 bread slices + cup of mixed veggies + half cup red beans

Snack: 2-4 cookies( all broken pieces)

Dinner: cup of cereal and milk

Six glasses of water with lemon and honey in the vain hope it will make me feel better faster.

Dont be fooled by the above log, this is not normal, this is just because I am so short of breath and feeling all yucked out, I am sure I will eat triple these amts once I start feeling better. All these pounds didnt come on by following the above food plan. I dont have to remind myself that I have to log in the food amts. because I am just not taking in much.

Off tommorow, will try and run outside.

Pleasures of eating...

...are gone. Now its only, how much, how many calories, protein/carb/fat amounts.
Well, Not really, but to a certain extent.

Bkfst: bites of tortilla with cauliflower mixture, orange juice, tea. half piece of chocolate cake, thank god for the kids who finished it all up.

Lunch: rice, red beans, yogurt.Adequate portions.

Snack: 2 cookies.

Dinner: 2 veggie spring rolls.

Not much , is that?, but still feel like stomach is pushing diaphram up and causing this weezing an difficulty breathing.

Have taken a cetrizine and 3 spoons of Nyquil and am off to sleep, hope am able to today.

This is hard.

So this food logging business is hard, but I will do it , as I said I would.

Bkfst:7.30AM: Oatmeal bowl + one cup milk+ half banana

Snack:930Am: one string cheese

Lunch: crackers 10, one tortilla, 2 tbsps black beans, 2 cookies, all had while chatting with a friend who was visiting with her 7yo.

Dinner: here things got out of hand. Family is visiting for the weekend, so while cooking dinner at 6pm, I got hungry and ate a bowl of rice and red kidney beans, thinking that I would not eat when they were here, I dont know what that logic was.

ANyway , after that had another bowl of rice, red beans, some cauliflower, thankfully the portions were small.

But then followed with a slice of the most scrumptious, sinfully decadent chocolate cake. It was so rich, my 14yo , who normallly can gobble up the whole thing, left some on her plate. This was followed with tea.

And now I am sitting here at 12midnight, logging my days gluttony, because I cant sleep , because I am so short of breath because of my allergies. The good part about keeping a blog is that I can go into the archives and read the logs for April2008, when I had a similar episode. So nothing to worry, I will be back on the road again.

March 2009 actually went better than March2008, I ran more. Hopefully will be able to say the same for APril. But first I have to get better.

The first day...

...of the rest of my weight loss year.

April 1st, first day of my re-resolution to lose weight. Realised that I have been making a fool of myself all these years, and yesterday was the same.

No exercise, no time to run, or do the elliptical, could have done some free weights, but...

Food log:
Bkfst- 7.30AM- Oatmeal and milk and half banana.

Meal?-1.30PM, went to the local grocery store, rewarded myself with a 250cal bag of M&Ms. Why? because poor me had made a groccery run. Actually remembered I would be logging food intake today when I ate the first M&M, but didnt have enough resistance to stop after a few. But why do I need a reward? and can it be non-food related?

At home, during the afternoon, inhaled peanuts, 15 crackers with hummus, some dry mango, 2 slices of an apple. 2 bags of the 100 calories cookies which DH got despite my requesting him not to.

Dinner- 6.30PM to 8.30 PM, 2 bread slices with zucchini, 1 dry tortilla with hummus, some more peanuts. Tea, cookies.

Total calories, >2000. Limited fresh fruit, no exercise.

And today, April 2nd, is more of the same.
No time to exercise.

Bkfst: bowl of honey oat cereal with milk and half banana.

snack: 4 crackers.

lunch: 2 slices of bread and zuchhini.

snack: half apple plus some peanuts, one string cheese.

Dinner: dont know yet, maybe an egg sandwich.

Low calorie, zero nutrition day, if I do as I say and dont hog more at dinnertime.