Dec21 - Dec 30

No change to report, no gain or loss. So net loss in 2 months is 2-3 pounds , which might just be the water weight. Now I have to lose 33 pounds in 10 months, which means 3.3pds per month. See how it comes up to 15 pds a month!!

No exercise today, and no food log either. Again got caught in the habit of waiting to start a new diet/exercise program on the 1st of a month/week.

But i did use my time somewhat wisely. I decluttered today. Heres why:
Its a fact that we use only 20% of our belongings 80% of the time.
Theres a theory that clutter and excess weight/fat go hand in hand.
My theory is that I eat out of boredom, theres nothing to do , so lets stand in the pantry and gorge on whatever there is-ricecrackers with peanut butter with peanuts with chocolate chips because there are no cookies or chocolate left...anything goes.
Its the end of the year and I like to start my new year with a clean slate, in this case, a clean closet/bathroom cabinets/pantry.

So I started with the bathroom cabinets and got out all my unused makeup/ creams/toothbrushes and half used toothpastes, dried tubes of lipcolor and unrecognisable bottles of nailcolor. All those creams bought almost a year ago which promised I would look 30 instead of 40 and which i didnt use after the first week because obviously that claim was totally false and nothing could prevent my real age from showing on my face unless I suddenly woke up as a 40 year old hollywood actress!

Then I moved onto the closet which is filled with clothes from sizes 10-14. And I took a vow - I will not buy a single piece of clothing for the next 6 months- not another t-shirt or fleece to lounge in or pants for work or socks or workout clothes - nothing. This is ridiculous!- I have enough to last a lifetime. I admit none of it is what I love but I cant love these till I either accept myself at the weight i am or do something about it.

And since I am trying to do something about this weight, I can wait to see if I will have any good results in the next 6 months, maybe I will be a size smaller and then the shopping trip will be all the more sweeter!

New Year Resolutions-Weight loss

Switch on the T.V and every channel has a segment on new year resolutions, with the commonest and sometimes the only one being discussed is weight loss. Year after year after year, its the same one- lose weight, look better, feel good about oneself.

I was maybe 14 when I first started making resolutions, only to 'forget' them by the end of January. Each year, around the last week of December, when the winter break started, I would get a beautiful journal or diary and make a set of 10-15 resoluitons- to lose weight being the 1st, topmost, most important one. There were others- to be more calm, collected, not to lose temper-very difficult when you have an irritating younger sister who would pass sarcastic remarks each time I started with those lists.

Then I made the mother of all lists of resolutions in 1992, the year I got married.There were things I wanted to do like learn some foreign languages, learn to cook properly, learn a musical instrument, visit a foreign country, etc- just the sort of things every average youngster wants to do in life. But again weight loss topped the list- even tho I was at my ideal weight at that time, it seemed so transient- i sort of knew I would blow up once I had kids, and again I loved/love to eat.
It came to pass as I had predicted, I did gain all that weight and treid some half hearted attempts to lose it and over the last few years just gave up on the weight loss resolution. And no, even this year-2009, its not a resolution. Because I have been sneaky, I already started on that goal in November of 2008, so its not a resolution, so it cant be broken, so I have a very good chance of actually attaining this goal.

But the reason of this post was actually to discuss some of the ways to lose weight as discussed over the numerous T.V channels:

Have a small goal- something attainable like 5-10 pounds, not 40-50 pounds.

'To lose weight' is not an action, so make a small active change in your behaviour, like being more active in general- taking the stairs, parking further away from the store, playing with the kids/dog etc. I actually read this somewhere- take the dogs for a walk twice a day, even if you dont have a dog!

Baby steps, small changes, 2 cookies instead of 4, whole wheat instead of white, water instead of soda-even diet soda. And journal the food intake- this one really helps.

Best of luck with your resolutions. And write them down somewhere visible- the fridge/bathroom mirror/next to the computer/T.V so you dont forget, like I do.

My resolution for 2009? To learn the piano, and I am going right now to set up the classes!

Forgotten aims

So for the last week, or two, or even three, I have not been logging my daily intake. and it shows. Larger meals, more quantity of sweet biscuits with tea, frequent snacks, no fruit,no water,... and the list could go on. Am at home, with the kids, for the winter vacation. Had some house guests for a couple of days, so did a lot of cooking, and it was officially for them, but I polished off more than them.

We used to be neighbours in Michigan approximately 4 years ago, so I havent seen her in this much time. At that time both of us had just had our younger ones, and we would walk at night after dinner in the attempt to lose the post baby weight. Well, she did manage to lose it and I think I gained all that she lost. So now she is at a healthier weight.
But , you know , weight is a very small part of the whole 'being healthy' concept. She is doing an executive MBA, which means she has to spend a weekend every 15 days away from her family, and the stress of the course homework, alongwith her full-time job and household duties is showing up on her face which looked so withdrawn. And she was so exhausted that after lunch instead of having a heart to heart talk, she dozed off on the sofa for 3 straight hours. So that gave me plenty of time to munch the afternoon away.

But health is the presence of physical, emotional, mental and spiritual well-being. The lack of any one of those prongs leaves us feeling unbalanced.
On the other side of the coin, for me atleast is, that when I eat, I feel happy, I thank God and turn into a generally chirpy, perky person- the kind who can give you a headache. So I dont know what exactly I should do- try and lose this weight , focus on the numbers on the scale to be healthy OR just eat my way into eternal bliss!

No, I am going back to the logging food intake and exercising- well , I have walked or run or used the elliptical most days of the week, so thats not the major problem- the problem is the eating which goes haywire if I dont log regularly. And so this month, there will be not much to report in terms of weight loss, I will be pleased if I dont have to report any gain!
And so I am behind by 3 pounds towards my goal of minus36. Thats Ok, better luck next time.

Dreams and VRAA

So yesterday after blogging here, I went onto the runnerslounge.com. One of the groups featured there is doing a Virtual Run Across America starting January 2009!! And I signed on! I dont really understand how it works, but I had been toying with the idea of trying to complete 1000 miles in 2009, and this group will run from the East coast to the West Coast in 365 days. Each mile will equal 10 land miles. I will look this up- the distance from the Atlantic to the Pacific across America. I was so enthusiastic that today I managed to run inspite of the shin splints. And I bought new shoes- Asics Gel, panther or some such name, which sound as if they would make me fly over the asphalt- I will start using them Jan 1st 2009. I am so excited!!

Talking of dreams, I think I am a dreamer. Yeah, by 40 , I know this much about myself! Have you heard the Aesop's fable about the milkmaid who starts off with one pail of milk, which she imagines will bring her many riches and when the village boys come to ask for her hand, she would toss her head to say 'no', and she actually tosses her head and drops the precious milkpail, there go her riches and dreams??

Well, I am sort of like her. When I start off with any project, instead of visualising the journey to the ultimate goal, involving hard work and sweat, I get giddy with the joy of having acheived it already. When I read of someone elses exploits, I imagine myself doing the same .
When I first started running, in my dreams, after the marathon I would attempt the Applachian Trail, never mind that my dtrs and DH conspire to keep me under house arrest.
When I started with the weight loss goal, I would lose all the 36 pounds and more and have a lean , mean fighting machine for a body- usually this would be visualised standing in the pantry stuffing myself with stale peanuts or crackers.
My dtrs did not keep up with their piano lessons and I saw myself going for piano lessons and then playing all those old romantic numbers in some esteemed company.

But as some nice person said 'Those who dream, do'. So I keep dreaming and maybe I will never be able to walk/run the Applachian Trail- who can take off for 4-6 months form family life- but I might be able to finsh the Virtual Run Across America!

Goals 2009

Browsing the blogs... and everyone seems to be in the same boat. Winter depression, laziness, wanting to curl up under the comforters, comfort foods, etc.

A few enterprising souls are setting up new running goals for 2009, the active.com discussion forums has a lot of newbies with their first running goals- to complete the C25K or run their first 5K, the runnerslounge.com has the topic of 'review 2008 in terms of running in 52 words or less' for their Take it and run Thursday .

Its the time to review the past year. I think I have come a long way- I have covered almost 750miles in the last one year. I have completed a marathon- I know it was slow, and compared to some others who do so many in a year, it seems nothing, but hey, it was the first step!! Diet and weight have always been an issue, and maybe this year -2009- I might see some changes. But as far as general health is concerned, it has improved due to this regular activity. I dont have the ankle and knee pain I was having regularly on first moving in the morning. And going up and down the stairs is definitly easier! I did not get to tired in the middle of the day as I had started getting these past few years. Very small, intangible changes, but I will take them as a start.

Now for the goals for 2009:

I do want to complete 2 half marathons; one in May, the other in November.I do want to take less time completing these- dream time-> 2h59min.

I do want to lose the 36 pounds, of which I have lost only 2 in these last 2 months. Just means I have to tighten the belt come January.

With regards to health and fitness, those are the only 2 goals, lets see how much I am able to accoplish!

ON again

No loss at all, just am glad the scale didnt show a gain, esp after all this binging.
Yest, I did do the elliptical for 35 min, it showed a calorie burn of 350 cal, which I know is absolutly wrong, because I barely broke a sweat. Went on line to all the elliptical sites and apparently you do burn close to 720 cal per one hour on the elliptical. So now am planning to add that on to my workout schedule, maybe 20-30 min while watching T.V.
Before the workout tho, I made some comfort food-rice and lentils for me. And after the workout, had 2 bowls of the rice-lentils-veggie goodness. Nothing beats a bowl heaped with hot rice, and that is the major cause of my humongous tummy. I have tried switching to brown rice, but find it so chewy and hard, maybe, its the way I make it. Will try again.

Today walked to GB'S house, with my 7yo- the distance I cover in 20 min took 30 min, and coming back maybe 40 min, because the little lady was tired. On the way back she wanted to carry the 2pd weights from GB's house, who do u think carried those after the first few steps?

So , no change to report, hovering around the same 2pound loss I had in the first month. I was hoping to see some change this time, but have enough experience with weight loss and gain to know that would be impossible this time.

Waiting for the new year to start, then back on schedule to run the half-marathon in May. Maybe that will kick-start my weight loss, I havent run in 2 weeks, so maybe thats why the pounds are still holding onto me.

off the wagon...

..for these last 10 day session. Really made a fool of myself. Might have lost a pound around the 15th but instead of consolidating that loss, started eating like crazy. Each evening after binging on crackers, cheese, bread,chocolate, decide , OK, that happened, let it go, move on, control yourself and than repeat the same behaviour the next day. Should have lost 5 pounds by tomorrow- doubt it.

And almost no exercise in the last few days. Forgot that I was paying a dollar for each 45 min workout session, and am supposed to do 250 sessions this year. Forgot that to lose any weight , I have to exercise for atleast 45 min a day and move another 30 min. Was talking to a friend who said that exercise to her now is as essential as food. She goes to the gym for 90 min 2 weekdays and both days of the weekend. There is a small group of people who meet at the same time so its a built in social circle. To me, even after exercising for the last one year , regularly, I have to remind myself to do it, its as essential to me as, what?..nothing.

I think the cold , wet, grayness of this season is getting to me. I am going to put on some music, change into my workout clothes and get on the elliptical, right now, as in now.

Hunger pangs

I had those yesterday. Was off from work and ate more than a 1000 calories in half an hour- crackers, cheese, bread, bagel, peanuts, banana..., nothing high calorie , decadent, creamy , gooey, sugary sweet. Just very sensible choices to tide me over from breakfast till lunch. But just could not make myself stop. I think I cleaned out the pantry good and proper.

I think it was psychological mixed with some hormonal/physiological stuff. See, I woke up and weighed myself, and I was one pound less than the week before. One whole pound!! I moved this way and that on the machine just to make sure. This was after I had had my breakfast and tea and 12 oz water, so naturally I thought I must be somewhat lighter than even that. Exactly one hour later my hunger pangs started. It must be my body's way to replenish the lost fat, who knows when I face starvation! or psychologically I just dont want to lose the weight. Tho my sane self says thats not possible, I would do anything to lose it. I think I am my biggest saboteur(sp?).

Today woke up and there is frost on the ground, temps less than 30 degrees. May go out for a walk in the afternoon, if the sun continues to visit with us.

The Blame Game

We had some friends over for dinner, and they were looking considerably slimmer than before. The husband has lost upto 25 pounds in the last 6 months or less, following a low carb diet, and the wife lost some too because now even she doesnt eat those foods since she doesnt have to cook those for him. He basically said hes been trying to count calories etc.

So I got jealous. Very! Why is it so easy for some. Leave alone that I havent seen them in 6 months, and 6 months for a motivated guy is enough to lose 25 pounds.

Then the converstion turned to the early days after our marriage and my DH kept regaling them with accounts of how he doesnt like to read and I do which he could never understand etc etc etc.
I meanwhile was remembering my weight at that time which was a slim 105 pounds. And how , whenever we went out anywhere, he would point out overweight , obese women and say 'there goes your future look'. He would keep commenting on how much I ate, and as he eats faster than me, he would be done by the time I started, so that left him critisicing my food choices for the rest of the meal. The sane part of me ignored him , putting down his behaviour as his problem. But how often do we listen to the sane part of us??

No, I played the blame game. Everytime , he said something about my weight or food intake, I would eat more to show I didnt care, basically behave like a 2 yo who does the exact opposite of what you tell them not to do. And everytime he showed me a fat woman as my 'future', I would say 'OK, may you get your wish'

So , over time, I have gained weight, my eating habits are atrocious, I am exactly like the overweight women my DH pointed out to me. And when I remember all this , I have a bad taste in my mouth, I feel like ... I dont know what.

But , once in a great while, the sane part of me will come to the forefront and tell me, ' NB, so what if he said all that, maybe he hoped to make you more concious of your food choices, maybe he was concerned about your health. Even if not that, even if he is an evil minded person who thrives to put you down at each meal time, why do you have to listen to such a bad person? Why cant you use your brains? How old are you now? why cant you behave like an adult, instead of a 2 year old? Does he come and shove food into your mouth? Does he prevent you from doing weights or exercise? Even if he makes silly comments about your weight or your efforts to lose it, do you have to listen to him? And if he is such a mean guy, you dont want to be unhealthy and be at his mercy for care later on in life, so take care of yourself now.'

And that is not the only reason I gained weight. I have always been on the chubbier side as a kid, and I do love to eat ,and he was just the right person to palm off all the blame onto. Dont we all do that, first its the parents who are the reason for our incompetencies and then the spouse and ultimately the kids. Oh, no, we would be perfect if not for all those people!!!

Now I am in a mood to start listening to my sane voice. What happened then is gone. He doesnt say all those things any more, maybe because I am the fat person now. And as they say: The best revenge is a life lived well.

So I am going to live a good life, I am going to continue exercising and eating right. Slowly, I will reach my goals. 16 years of being fat and overweight, it will take time to erase that.

What about you, who do you like to blame??

DEc 11-Dec 20

No weight loss to report for the last 10 days. Felt sort of low and giving up for a couple of days, hence no posts. Also missed a couple of workouts because of play-dates- my 7yo and her friends- and some other normal life interruptions.

However am feeling better , mentally, now . Phases of life, who knows what affects your mood and sense of physical well-being.

Back on track from today. Keep logging. Started with 5 min of yoga in the morning before the day starts. I have always been a fan of the surya namaskar- sun salutations and do those 3-4 times, gradually will add on some more poses. Did some free weights too, maybe 5 min and will build up the sets too.

Was reading the Twilight series of books- for the uninitiated, its a story of a teenager who falls in love with a vampire and now is pestering him to turn her into one too. OK, its supposed to be much deeper than that but that line explains it all.
I was just analyzing the thought- I cant imagine for even one moment giving up the experience of living life- I guess I am a tad bit selfish- I dont think I would like to miss this whole cycle of growing up, growing old, the daily trials and tribulations of mothering etc.
But suppose you are faced with a vampire, just suppose. How would you plead for your life?
You know what I would say? I would say ' its Ok if you want to turn me into a vampire, but can you give me some more time to lose some weight so I can be a slim, trim, beautiful vampire, as I am going to be frozen in time, and then I,would never have the chance to lose this lard??'
Imagine losing the sense of taste, not eating for the rest of life!!

New Beginnings

So this is our new site. GB worked on it when she had some time and I like the results, all X'massy.

Went for a R/W 3.7m in about 55min, included a hill 8%grade, information courtsey mapmyrun, where now the elevation map is multicolored and the grade of the incline is also given.

Didnt run/walk these last 2 days, just didnt plan the day right and nowadays am feeling a bit low. When I was in my twenties , I would think that the SAD syndrome, fibromyalgia, depression etc are all figments of a bored mind, that people, women esp. would not have half the problems if they took care of themselves which included eating right and exercising.
However I have been pretty good with both in the past few months and still could not escape the advent of this cold weather. Esp these past few days, the cold seems to bite instead of nip. And my first instinct is to cook dinner and then hide under the comforter. Did it for 2 days, went into bed at 7pm and sleep at 8! Today I managed to sit back after cooking to blog and read. Even tho I do the hour of activity , its no use if I start laying in bed for longer periods of time!

No weight loss to report this time, even tho there are 5 days still left, but cant feel it happening. Dont think will be able to do my workouts over the weekend, DH is on call. And everyday there is some little thing which takes me over the required 1700 cal. One little piece of chocolate and I go to 1900 cal and that means no loss at the end of 10 days. I will be happy if I dont gain this holiday season.

Its always something!!

R/W 3.6m in 51 min. But the shin splints in the lower legs! they killed me today. Why, why after 1 year of running I still get these shin splints. Absolutely horrible. Came back and iced and stretched but am dreading running again on thursday. 4m Walk tomorrow, Dec goal is to build upto 8 mile LSD.

I love this season, the cold air, the lights, the warm clothes, the hot food and drinks. But I hate the fact that I have to be on the lookout for things which make me slip on the diet track. Today someone left a box of chocolates in the office. Designer chocolates, the ones with swirls of pink and white on them, 170 cal apiece. And all that I had read and written about in the past one month flew out of the window! Ate TWO of those!! But atleast I am feeling guilty for eating two , previously I would eat 3 and wonder why i hadnt taken a fourth! To salvage I had zucchini for dinner. Surprise, even my finicky 7yo ate it up.

So its started, the next 29 days I will be facing temptations everywhere. After the 2nd chocolate I have decided that I dont particularly care for that taste- it felt chalky, so I dont think I will be succumbing to its lure again. Yeah, I can say that today, but get a box in front of me when I am stressing out over some point and see me hog the whole thing.

Later on I did read the nutrition label on the box and it broke every rule I had mentioned yesterday- more than 5 ingrediants, with unfamiliar, unpronounceable names, not belonging in the outside periphery of the store and my grandma would absolutely not think that it is edible food- she would put them on the shelf as decoration!

Now if only I can remember all this the next time!

In Defense of Food by Michael Pollan

Finished the book. Its a good book, he goes over all the types of food available and it gets a bit technical , however I liked the last 1/3rd of the book in which he has suggestions on how to have a healthy approach to food and eating. He has quoted Wansink(Mindless Eating) and I liked both their suggestions.
Its basically all the points which we are aware of but dont take into consideration in actual life.

- Eat food which your grandmother or great grandmother would recognise as food. That automatically takes out all the packaged chips, yogurts, meats, flavored drinks, sodas etc, which means less sodium and less high fructose corn syrup(HFCS) which is considered to be the main culprit in making one fat because apparently it creates a craving for more sugar laden and high calorie foods.

- Avoid foods with more than 5 ingrediants, unfamiliar or unpronounceable names or again HFCS- so again all those above foods are out.

- Shop the periphery of the grocery store and if possible stay out of it and instead go to the farmers market.

- Eat mostly plants esp the leaves.

- Eat meals, eat at the table and not on the dashboard

- Eat slowly

- Cook, and if u can, plant a garden

There are other , very valid points but I am starting with these as they seem slightly more easy to follow. However, believe me when I say that it is very difficult to find foods with less than 5 ingrediants on their list. And HCFS is everywhere!! Take the healthiest bread in the store and see.
I cook but its mostly meat/fish/lentils. Green veggies maybe once in 2 weeks, I used to more before but lately have stopped due to some reason, so have to get back in to that habit again.
I would love to have a veggie garden if I could have a gardener with it, the idea of growing veggies is lovely but actually toiling in the garden- not yet, maybe when the kids are a bit more grown.

Overall, the book is definately worth a read, if you are interested in re-learning about food. Maybe I will pick up The Omnivores Dilemma again- I had dropped it because it was really detailed, with lots of information.

Rest day today, 4 miles tomorrow. Had stopped running last week because of pain in the right calf, will try again tomorrow.