The Blame Game

We had some friends over for dinner, and they were looking considerably slimmer than before. The husband has lost upto 25 pounds in the last 6 months or less, following a low carb diet, and the wife lost some too because now even she doesnt eat those foods since she doesnt have to cook those for him. He basically said hes been trying to count calories etc.

So I got jealous. Very! Why is it so easy for some. Leave alone that I havent seen them in 6 months, and 6 months for a motivated guy is enough to lose 25 pounds.

Then the converstion turned to the early days after our marriage and my DH kept regaling them with accounts of how he doesnt like to read and I do which he could never understand etc etc etc.
I meanwhile was remembering my weight at that time which was a slim 105 pounds. And how , whenever we went out anywhere, he would point out overweight , obese women and say 'there goes your future look'. He would keep commenting on how much I ate, and as he eats faster than me, he would be done by the time I started, so that left him critisicing my food choices for the rest of the meal. The sane part of me ignored him , putting down his behaviour as his problem. But how often do we listen to the sane part of us??

No, I played the blame game. Everytime , he said something about my weight or food intake, I would eat more to show I didnt care, basically behave like a 2 yo who does the exact opposite of what you tell them not to do. And everytime he showed me a fat woman as my 'future', I would say 'OK, may you get your wish'

So , over time, I have gained weight, my eating habits are atrocious, I am exactly like the overweight women my DH pointed out to me. And when I remember all this , I have a bad taste in my mouth, I feel like ... I dont know what.

But , once in a great while, the sane part of me will come to the forefront and tell me, ' NB, so what if he said all that, maybe he hoped to make you more concious of your food choices, maybe he was concerned about your health. Even if not that, even if he is an evil minded person who thrives to put you down at each meal time, why do you have to listen to such a bad person? Why cant you use your brains? How old are you now? why cant you behave like an adult, instead of a 2 year old? Does he come and shove food into your mouth? Does he prevent you from doing weights or exercise? Even if he makes silly comments about your weight or your efforts to lose it, do you have to listen to him? And if he is such a mean guy, you dont want to be unhealthy and be at his mercy for care later on in life, so take care of yourself now.'

And that is not the only reason I gained weight. I have always been on the chubbier side as a kid, and I do love to eat ,and he was just the right person to palm off all the blame onto. Dont we all do that, first its the parents who are the reason for our incompetencies and then the spouse and ultimately the kids. Oh, no, we would be perfect if not for all those people!!!

Now I am in a mood to start listening to my sane voice. What happened then is gone. He doesnt say all those things any more, maybe because I am the fat person now. And as they say: The best revenge is a life lived well.

So I am going to live a good life, I am going to continue exercising and eating right. Slowly, I will reach my goals. 16 years of being fat and overweight, it will take time to erase that.

What about you, who do you like to blame??